Friday, December 30, 2011

A Conflicted Life

Over the many years of life that God has blessed me with , I have come to learn many things. One if you don't work hard, apply yourself properly, have a plan and stay determine it very unlikely that you will succeed. As cruel as this may sound when you leave home and get out on your own, its really up to the individual to make it in life. What I have found is many people in this world are still hoping or they are still depending on their mothers or fathers to make it. When in fact their parents really don't owe them anything. Once a parent raise their children, then they become adults and have the ability to fend for themselves, then they are in fact on their own. That lesion was taught too me at a very young age, when I left home as a eighteen year old man. I knew when I left home, that I could no longer depend on my mother or father for love, success or any type of financial support. I was now a man like it or not and I had to learn life the hard way then had to learn it quickly in a very cruel hard world. What ever success or failures I encountered it would be because I made them and in the end it was, I that was responsible for what ever happened in my life. Many times in my life I had to lean back on my fathers, mothers, former teachers, grandparents teachings or wisdom, to help guide me through my many storms. I looked up to my late grandmother,( she was my role model) because even though she was in her seventies she still worked hard and did what ever it took to make it in this world. One would think that my late grandmother wouldn't had have too work so hard being that she was in her seventies or that she could depend on her children to take care of her because of her old age. But in this conflicted life we all live in no one can really depend on their family or friends to care for them. The only one we all can truly count on in our time of need is God.
What made my late grandmother so special was her sheer determination, her strong character, her love for God and her very rare unconditional love for family, that missing in this world we all live in today. What I loved about her was that she never looked down on you, even when you made a mistake and despite a persons faults she never threw any of her children or grandchildren away. She was always supportive, very loving and caring. She refused to believe that any of her children or grandchildren weren't good or were failures. She always believe that all of her children and grandchildren, had what it takes to make it or to succeed in this world. That is why I miss her so much and regret everyday, that I didn't have the time to properly tell her how much she meant to me.
My advice too anyone who is blessed enough to read this, is to tell the people you love, that you love them while there is still breath in their bodies. Never let anyone come between you and your family or friends. Because doing so may cost you valuable time that you can never get back again. And if by some rare chance that God blesses you with someone that will love you unconditionally, never let them go. Don't let your family or friends take away, what God has blessed you with. In the world we all live in each of our lives can become very conflicted. Why would I make this statement? Well because most of us say we want someone to love or someone too love us unconditionally and really mean something else. By those who may be confused by this last statement, I'll explain it this way. Some of us say we want a good man or good woman, but when God blesses those who ask, with that good or special person most don't know how to act. Then they are confused or conflicted. I have heard many of men or women say, that someone is too good or too loving to be their type of man or woman. Sounds funny doesn't it? But in a conflicted life many don't understand this very important fact. If you pray , then ask God to give you something, in his own time he will give those ,who ask the desires of their hearts. Like my late grandmother would always say, "Be careful what you ask for, because you just may get it". The question is, Are you prepared to receive your blessing? Because if you are not, then very soon after you receive it, then it will be lost. Because you are living a conflicted life.
Have a blessed day,

 John 3:9 No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Reach For The Stars!

When I look up into the sky, I often think about the unaccomplished goals that I haven't reached yet. Now 2013 is almost here and what I should do is not make the same mistakes as I  have made in previous years or my past.  Every New Year, most of us make New Years resolutions, that we never keep. But what we all should do is improve ourselves and do better. The old saying  that my late grandmother use to say, which is, "When you know better ,you should do better".( This is even some advice I should take going into 2013.) Put God first and then head of your life or home then its a guarantee to make your pathways straight. Also go to church at least once a week or twice a week, depending on your denomination. Despite what most people think, there is no religion better than the other. Serving God is not a competition and you will not get a prize for going to a certain church or for going to church more often than someone else. Its what you do after you leave church that counts. Praising God in and out of church, acting like you forgot what you learned while you were in church is living a lie. If you are going to be a christian, then be one , because most people can spot a fake or a pretender a mile away. Be yourself and never forget who you are. Never live your life trying to impress anyone or anybody. Most people tend to respect those who are real and in the world we all  live in there are too many fake people .
Be more understanding, try to learn why a person is a certain way before you criticize  or judge someone. Besides who are you to judge anyway? In truth there is only one true judge and that's God. He created man and woman with different personalities. Just because someone acts a certain way , does something different than you or l doesn't give us the right too judge them. In Gods eyes we all are sinners and no one is perfect. Every man or woman on Earth today could use a little improvement and we all could  learn new things. So stop thinking that you are above anyone else, because no one is perfect. Some may have more riches or income than others but that doesn't make them better. Because when it all boils down to it ,God has his way of showing us that we all are really the same. All you have to do is go through a storm like Katrina and  then you will see what I am talking about. When the storm Hurricane Katrina ran through Louisiana or Mississippi we were all the same. The rich, middle class and poor all were without power or water. We all had to line up at the gas stations or grocery stores and wait on someone to help us. That in itself should show the power of God.
Try new things , learn new things, eat  new foods and walk into open doors. Most of us let fear or doubt keep us from achieving or reaching our goals . God is a good God and he wants all of us to be happy or successful. All we have to do is pray, then step out on faith, then take chances more chances and trust in him. God knows our heart and he knows our desires. That's why we all have to be careful when we pray or  for what we wish for, because we just might get it. The old saying is," To be careful for which you ask for, because you just might get it". There will be a time you will be blessed with the opportunity to get a new job, a new home or even the love of your life. But out of  fear we keep ourselves  from reaching our goals or from keeping us from being happy. We should never let anything keep us from that, not even ourselves. Because if we do, we will be living a life full of regrets, saying what we should have done and what could have been done. There is an old saying my grandmother used to say which is, 'Sometimes opportunity knocks only once". Do not let that moment slip away or you may regret it for a lifetime.
2013 should be a blessing for us all. If we prayed more, trusted God more, loved ourselves more, then we all would have complete lives. Its up to you and I to get what's ours. Nothing can stop us from being happy or successful. If we just trust God and then  reach for the stars, we can do or achieve anything. With God as the head of your life, being more humble, understanding, loving, never judgmental and patient. You and I will live the life others only dream of. So start your New Year off right and go after you dreams. After that put 2012 in the past and move on with your life. If you do not reach or go after your dreams , then  you can only blame the person in the mirror for your failures . Reach for the stars or for new heights, go after your dreams or desires and have a very Happy New Year!!!
Have a blessed night and Happy New Year!!!!
Psalm 21:3 You welcomed him with rich blessings and placed a crown of pure gold on his head.

Psalm 54:7 For he has delivered me from all my troubles, and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes.

Psalm 59:17 O my Strength, I sing praise to you; you, O God, are my fortress, my loving God.

Psalm 112:8 His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.

Psalm 118:7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

The Cross I Bare

I have been asked this question often, "Why do good people seem too suffer while evil people always seem to prosper"? Living in today's world its easy to see that people who steal or take from others are the ones that seem to have it all. What troubles me is that my son that I am raising also sees this. I have to remind him, that everything that looks good isn't always good or that what looks good on the outside doesn't mean that its good on the inside. But even I sometime is amazed that people who do the wrong thing, treat their parents, husband or wives, with disrespect are the ones that always seem to prosper. It makes one ask themselves this question, If being a good man or a good woman is overrated? That is when I have to remind myself that Jesus God son, was a perfect man and he too had to suffer in the land of the living. I also had to remind myself that those who prosper by doing wrong or evil eventually get caught and loose it all.
If you read your Bible you will realize that Gods son Jesus, who was perfect, and was free of sin . Its easy to see and realize that there was no better man or perfect man than Jesus. But he suffered and was crucified on our behalf. So if Jesus can suffer, why shouldn't man? I think in a way every man and every woman bares their own cross and we all suffer in some shape , form or fashion. When I think about the cross I bare, as a single father, African American and Christian . That sometimes it amazes me how cruel and evil people can be. Not only am I being criticized, harassed for being black, but also for being Christian and a responsible father. Its amazing when you think about it, when people just pick at you just for the love of doing bad or evil. I often have to remind myself, that I live in an imperfect world and there are a lot of evil people in it. Most people you encounter are not God fearing people, even the ones that attend church on Sundays. Its sad to say , but sometimes the people you are sitting next too in church, may happen to be worse than the people outside of the church. That is why it is so important to pray and to follow Jesus example. God son Jesus prayed, while he was here on Earth and asked his father for strength. Because he knew that he would have to bare and carry heavy cross that bared the sins of man, on the behalf of all men. Everyday we all bare our own personal crosses, some may carry them while they are at home and others while they are away. When I have evil people who may test my patience, I look to the cross that I wear on my neck everyday. Its a constant reminder that God son Jesus died and bled so that we may live . There is no greater sacrifice than that precious gift of life . My advice to anyone who is blessed enough to read this , if your are feeling low and your burdens seem to overwhelm you. Look to your cross then give your burdens or problems to Jesus. As for your sins or mistakes that you have made in your past . Ask God for forgiveness and know that they have already been paid for when Jesus died and bled on that  sacred day.
Have a blessed night,

Jeremiah 12:1 You are always righteous, O LORD, when I bring a case before you. Yet I would speak with you about your justice: Why does the way of the wicked prosper? Why do all the faithless live at ease?
Psalm 37:7 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked devices to pass.
Psalm 49:16 Do not be overawed when a man grows rich, when the splendor of his house increases;

Monday, December 19, 2011

Before The Year Ends


As I think or ponder another year almost gone, I often think about my late grandmother because I really miss her so much. I miss her wise words of wisdom and her rare unconditional love. I miss her smile, her warmth, her unique way of solving problems or her way of handling complicated issues. My late grandmother had a way with people and she never met a stranger. She loved her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and she especially loved people.My late grandmother has been gone for over 10 year's now . I just want to take this time to say, I love you grandmother and I miss you. As I give tribute too my late grandmother, because at this time of year, I can't help but think of something she once told me . She told me never to emulate the rest of the world and to always dare to be different. I remember her saying to me,  "Never make a New Years resolutions , but instead do what you plan to do now before the year ends". When I asked her to explain this statement too me. Then my grandmother asked me this question; Baby, you do want improve your life or want to do better in the year coming than the year past? Don't you? I said yes grandma I do. Then she said never put off today, what you can do tomorrow, because if you do then you will add more to another day. My advice to you Chuckie,  is to start your New Year off the way you would like to end it. Also learn from your past mistakes, take what you are doing right and improve on it. Then leave what you were doing wrong in the past , never look back and then move forward. My late grandmother had a famous saying that I loved," The way you bring in the New Year is the way you will end the next one". In other words if you would like to have a better year, than the one before, then start doing what needs to be done before the year ends.

My advice to anyone who is blessed enough to read this, clean out your closets today, then get rid of old things, bad habits or old problems. For those who may be confused by my last sentence, let me explain. If you happen to be in a bad relationship, horrible marriage , in financial trouble or anything that may hold you back from having a successful year. Do what you can to fix what bothers you today and get rid of the problems that you can't fix tomorrow . If your problems are very complicated or seem impossible to solve, then pray and ask God for direction. Its been my experience that if you take care of or solve the problems of today, the less you will have to deal with the next day or tomorrow. So keep in your life what's good for you and get rid of things that hurt or harm you. Start everyday, with prayer and praise for God has blessed you. Learn from past mistakes, then move on to better things or greater things. Be mature , never allow anyone or anybody use your time for games or foolishness. Smart people avoid immature or ignorant people. Because eventually they will only become obstacle's that will soon get in your way. I once told a friend of mine, that sometimes its okay to give up, too let go of the past or to let go of our problems. Why? Because there are something's in our life that can't be helped or solved by man. Before a New Year begins all problems or issues should be placed in the hands of the Lord, before the year ends or a New Year begins.
Have a Happy New Year,

P.S. To all my friends and fellow readers around the world please, be careful when you drive. Please Buckle your seat belts and always drive safely. Never drink or drive, because it may cause harm too you or may cause others to loose their life. Always be aware of your surroundings , because even though its New Years, there always will be evil people out there seeking to harm or to destroy your way of life. Use this holiday to tell the ones you hold special in your heart that you love them. Never let fear be a factor in your life when it comes to love, opportunities or blessings. Because fear, doubt and temptation, are the devils most useful tools to keep you away from your blessings. New Years for some can be a very stressful holiday and the devil uses this holiday to influence people into doing the wrong things or to sin. Happy New Year!!!

Sunday, December 18, 2011

The Truth, The Light And The Way

One of my friends came to visit me today and ask me to pray for her. She was having a hard time with her life, her family and was separated from her husband. Being that I myself have been in, her shoes before I really understood why she was hurting. Even though some of us treat marriage as if its not very important we both had no intentions on getting divorced . I understood how she felt because while I was going through my divorce I often felt conflicted and sad. When I first got married I thought that I would be in love forever. But as the old saying says, Nothing last forever. There is a verse that's is written in the Bible, where it clearly says that the only thing that last forever is God. Its really sad when you think that you finally met perfect someone to share your love or your life with and then in a blink of an eye its over. I often wonder what went wrong and why did it have to end. Going through a painful divorce can have you afraid to love again. So when my friend came too me for help with her own problems I felt compelled to help. She loved her husband very much and was hurt when he came home that night, just too tell her that he didn't love or want her anymore. She cried out to me and said, "Charles I thought that my marriage would last forever! I have been a good wife, a wonderful mother, I attend church regularly and I have done everything God asked me to. I prayed at night and asked God to help me. Why is it that God is turning his back on me and my marriage? Why did my husband do this to me, hurt me and leave me all alone? Please tell me why?
As tears flowed down her eyes, my heart went out to her, because I understood how she felt and seeing her cry I understood her pain. Its sad too say, but some people only get married for convenience or just for the ideal of being married. But what most don't know or care to realize is that they are hurting people. There are people out there that don't care who they hurt and only care about their own feelings or needs.
 After talking to my friend about what happened in her marriage, she told me to my surprise that she wasn't disturb by the fact that he didn't want her or love her anymore. She was more hurt because he lead her to believe that he was ready to settle down and to be married. She said Charles why did he lie to me , then deceive me and have me thinking that I have found my soul mate? She went on to say, you are a man so tell me why do men lie and play game with peoples heart? Then I looked at her with a smile and asked her do you really believe that all men play those type of games? Then she said, "No I'm sorry, I know in my heart that God still creates good men, I am just hurt". Then I asked her did you pray and consult God before you got married? Then she looked at me and said well I thought when I prayed , then asked God to send me a husband that he was it. Then I smiled and said maybe you made the same mistake as I have. I too prayed and asked God for a wife, but what I didn't do was wait. When I met a woman that I thought had everything I wanted in a woman, I fell heads over hills for her and I loved her with my heart istead of with my head. What I didn't pay attention to was those warning signs and I forgot one fact that every God fearing man or God fearing woman should know. That when we pray, God is not the only one listening. Then she looked at me with puzzled eyes and said Charles what are you talking about? Then I said, Sometimes when we pray, the devil listens in so he can fool or deceive us. He knows that men or women are impatient and he also knows that God answer prayers. But what he does do is take advantage of our loneliness and sends us someone that he knows is not good for us. And in the process he tries to ruin Gods blessing. I went on to tell her that I don't know if God sent you this man to be your husband, but what I do know is if, you only waited until God gave you an answer then maybe you could have avoided all of these heartaches. So pray my friend and seek God for an answer. For only he knows the truth, the light and the way.
Have a blessed night,
1 Corinthians 14:25  And thus are the secrets of his heart made manifest; and so falling down on his face he will worship God, and report that God is in you of a truth.

Thursday, December 8, 2011


There comes a time in all of our lives, when we all become tired. We grow tired of the lies, the drama, stress, confusion and all the bad things that life has to offer. To many of us it seems doesn't  matter what we do or how hard we try it, because nothing we do comes out right. At our jobs many of our employers are never satisfied with our performance and always seem to want more production, but with less pay. At some of our homes, there are ungrateful, children, husbands and wives that only seem happy if they are making life miserable or a  living hell. One may ask is God pleased with my life or is he trying to punish me for my past mistakes? Or they may ask, how can I free myself from all this drama or stress? Is God our Father in Heaven trying to tell me something? Answer; Pray and then  allow God to move things or certain people out of your life. When God moves, things happen! When God takes, its always for your own good and he always replaces it with something, good or better. If you happen to been fired from your job or laid off; going through a divorce because your husband or wife are unworthy of your love; been told that I don't love you or need you in my life. Rejoice because God has something better planed for your life.

For those who are in need of prayer, I offer this one too you. Oh God, God of peace and love , I love you. Please Oh God take away all or anything that has hurt me. Free my troubled heart from this pain and allow me to love again. For I know Oh God when I allow you too move things change and things happen. For I know nothing is too great or impossible for you to handle. I lay my life in your capable hands, to shape , mold it in a way that pleases only you and not man. For I know that only you know what's best for my life and my future. I have faith, trust and rejoice in your ways.
Thank you in advance in Jesus name we pray. Amen.
Psalm 66:4 All the earth bows down to you; they sing praise to you, they sing praise to your name." Selah

Psalm 67:5 May the peoples praise you, O God; may all the peoples praise you.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Finished House?

Guest post of the week by Deangelo Spencer
It’s nice to think about the day when this house is finally finished being renovated. I am so sick of walking around in sawdust and hearing the drills going at 8 every morning until 5 at night – I guess that’s part of the deal when you’re a stay at home mom. The kids and my husband get to get out of the house everyday so they don’t have to deal with it but I am on my last nerve! I’ve been trying to tie up all the loose ends like looking into DIRECTstarTV and calling about decorators but all I can really think about is the way the house is totally in pieces. I know we agreed that it would make sense to do the renovations as soon as we moved in but in retrospect I sort of wish we had waited a year to get settled here so that I wouldn’t still be worried about unpacking and getting things in order. Oh well, hopefully in a couple of years this will all be a memory!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Heads Or Tails

I was blessed as a child because I had the pleasure of seeing and living around my great grandparents . The reason I feel blessed is because when they were alive , both of them passed on valuable knowledge to me as a child, that I now have the privilege to share with others today. As a child I remember my parents taking me , my brothers and sisters over to visit our great grandparents. What was strange to us at the time we also had two grandparents on both sides of the family living. I remember my mother explaining to us what grand and great grand meant. She would say your grandmother or your grandfather, are my mother or my father, the same applies to your father. But your great grandparents are the parents of your grandparents. What was a thrill to me was hearing my great grandmother and great grandfather communicate. I would laugh when my great grand would say, to my great grandfather," You be the head baby and I'll be the tail. Then she would say in her cajun accent ," You lead and I will follow". My great grand and my great grandfather had a beautiful relationship. You could clearly tell that they both loved each other, had deep respect for each others feelings and were truly happy people. They were married for over fifty years . After being around them as a child their happiness rubbed off on me and my brothers or sisters.
I was seven at the time when I recall having conversations with my great grand and I would laugh my head off, when my great grand talked or expressed herself , because to me it was funny .(To those who may asked why did I laugh? Well it because I was a kid and children laugh at everything) But even though I laughed at my great grand's words, I was curious or smart enough to ask her what she meant by her statements. She went on to say, Chucky in every business, marriage or relationship there is a head and there is a tail. But the head of any marriage or business should always be God, After that it has always been the mans role to lead. Then I shocked my great grand with these questions; I said, Great grand what if the woman makes more money than her husband or what if she is smarter than him too? Shouldn't she be the head and the husband be the tail? Should the husband follow the wife, if she happens to be stronger than her husband? Then my great grand smiled and said these words to me, Chucky you are a smart little fellow! How did you get so smart? Before I could answer her she said, Because you are carrying my blood and my genes that's why. Then she got serious and said, Chucky when God created both man and woman, he did so in order. First he created the man, then from a mans rib he created woman. She went on to say every since I have been old enough to remember men have always been, the leader, the provider and the head the of the family. I know we live in a new age now where women are seeking their independence. But as much as some women want to be independent of their male counter parts, they will be forever linked to man. Why you may ask? Well because in the beginning woman was created out of man and for the sole purpose to be the help mate to man.
I had this strange look on my face, because I really couldn't understand my great grand's big words. So she made it simple that even a child like me, at that time could understand. God our Father in Heaven is the head of all of our lives and without him we are nothing. Your great grand and I marriage or relationship works or survives because we both respect Gods divine order. God first, our Father, our provider , giver of life and of all things. The man second, the head, the decision maker, the provider and protector of the family. The wife third the helper, the help mate and the main reason the marriage or family survives. She looked at me and smiled then said, your great grand and I couldn't make it or survive without each. We depend on each other for strength and wisdom. Men can't make it without women and women couldn't make it without men. Why? Because we are both intertwined and God made it that way. Also because I am such a big help to your great grandfather and because we both have the same needs. We both understand our roles, we love each other ,we appreciate and have learned to understand each other differences. When we have discussions or disagreements, we talk to each other and not at each other. We truly respect each other and we both let each other do their parts. She would say, baby I can't be a man and your grandfather certainly couldn't be a woman. When we got married we never question who was the head or who was the tail. I let your grand father lead and I followed. Then allowed him too be a man that I fell in love with and in returns he allows me to be his queen . I trust him doing his part and he also knows without a doubt that I will do mine. If you follow Gods divine order the you too can have a happy marriage that will last a lifetime. What I have learned from my late great grandmother, are the very same principles that are written in the Bible. God has made both man and woman with many purposes in mind . To serve, owner , praise God and to follow his divine order. To be the head or the tail.
Have a blessed day,
Jeremiah 24:7 I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Black Sheep

As a child, I used to wonder why I was treated differently from the rest of the family. I used to wonder why, my brothers or my sisters had better clothes, received more love or better treatment and received better gifts at Christmas. I would wonder why my little brothers or sisters hardly every got punished for their mistakes and also why when I did something wrong I was punished more severely than the rest. As I grew older and got out on my own I used to wonder why I wasn't , invited to certain family events or functions. I wondered from a distance why, after I left that my brothers or sisters learned how to drive a car and latter got new cars. (Because as a teen, I never received that same type of treatment) I used to ask myself these many questions, am I so different or wrong to deserve this treatment? Why doesn't Mom or Dad love me like they love the rest? Why was Mom or Dad so mean too me? Are they concern or do they even care about my feelings? I remember countless nights either crying or praying asking God to explain to me why was I so different and why was I treated this way. After all this is my family, the people that are suppose to love me.
As I think back on my life  as a child  most of it is was like a blur and most of my childhood  wasn't very good. I remember the strange looks my father used to give me and also remember how much I was talked about when my mother had discussion with her family or friends. I also remember looking at my brothers and sisters wondering why some was so tall and others had color skin or hair so different from my own. My mother used to say this to me as a child when I did something wrong," I think the doctor made a mistake and I think I brought home the wrong child". There were times I wondered to myself, did she really mean it when she said those mean words or did she say these things because she was mad or upset with me? I know I wasn't a perfect child, as a matter of fact I was far from it, but neither was my brothers or sisters. We all gave our parents our share of problems and made many mistakes. But even while making mistakes I was punished more severely than my brothers or sisters. My father used to say the reasons why he was so hard on me and beat me so severely, was because I was the oldest, therefore I should set the example for the rest. At that time I had no choice but to except that explanation, because he was right and I was indeed the oldest. But boy did it hurt when he punished me for not only for mine but also my brothers or sisters' mistakes.
When I think about my father, I think about how intimidating he looked to me in fact I was very scared of him. Back in those days all men had big hand, big shoulders and had a look that would scare any child. When growing up in the seventies, it was common for men to be hard on their boys and I credit my father for molding me into the man I am today. It wasn't until I was forty years old did I find out that the man that raised me and the man I thought was my father, wasn't really my real father.When I first heard about this I wasn't prepared to deal with it, because at that time I was dealing with more pressing issues. But after time and after my life settled down, I was able to think more about my past as a child. After I let the thought of the man that raised me soak in,then I realized that it was really a fact that he wasn't my father. One thought or question came to mind, Why did my mother keep this a secret and why did they lie? If you never been in my position its hard to explain how it feels to be different, not loved or appreciated in your own family. The days which turn into weeks, then latter into months and years of rejection is a very humbling experience. Those experiences, combined with divorce, death in your family and a loss of a good paying job in a bad economy would try anybody patience.

 Though it all I am very grateful too God, that those bad experiences didn't ruin or destroy me. Instead they only made me more  patient ,stronger, determine and faithful to God. Because in the end he was the only one I truly could depend on. Sometimes when we seek a parents or a persons love we forget that Gods love is everlasting. God our Father in Heaven is the best parent, best friend and his love for us last forever. He will never forsake us, never leave us and even when we sin he is always willing to forgive us. God will never make his children feel like outcast or black sheep. That's why I love him so much and grateful that he allowed me to suffer, so that I may appreciate his love and his grace.

When I was younger I used to love watching television shows like, The Cosby Show, Sanford and Son, Good Times and others, because in each of them they had very strong families values. In each of these shows these families had their share of trials, tribulations, drama and pain. In some of the shows some of the families had to over come death, drugs or other family issues. But through it all they all stuck together, never turned their back on their family members and weathered every storm together. They never forgot one very important fact, that they were family. Each of these people in their families had a unconditional love that missing in the world today. I used to envy those people in those television shows, because in each of  those families, it had the type of  love that was and is now missing in my own family.
When you think about the word family, many things should come to mind. You may think of the words , loving, caring, patient or supportive .  In the  Webster Dictionary, the definition for family,( is  a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for.) But in reality in  every family there is a favorite and  also there is an out cast or a black sheep. Why you may ask? Well the world we live in now, many men or women will meet someone who already has a child or like my grandmother, would say," A ready made family".  Many people have the thoughts or dreams of having the perfect family, one that's full of love, support and a bond that would  last for a  lifetime. But in the imperfect world we live in, there will always be favorites, there will be some that get more love or attention then their brothers or sisters'. Its sad to say but our parents did have their favorites and if we are not careful  as parents ,we too can carry on this very hurtful  curse or tradition. That's a scar most of us outcast or black sheep's of the family have for a life time. For some it may effect them emotionally forever. Some never get over their past hurts, their parents abuses or their parents mistakes. I have know or have known  many of my friends that are still hunted by their childhood memories. In some of my friends lives their past, has hurt, stunted their growth, affected them emotionally or affected  them in their current relationships and their rearing of their own children.
 With the help of God , I learned from my parents mistakes, by vowing  to be a better parent, by  always telling  the truth to my children or to the children that I am helping raise no matter what it is.  If I happen too meet someone who already has children, I would always be careful not to deceive them. I have learned that every child has the right to know who is their real father or mother. Keeping it a secret or telling them lies to cover up a past sin, should never be an option. My advice too anyone who are dating or considering getting involved with someone who already has children. Love them like you would your own children, treat them with respect and never let them feel like an outsider or a black sheep of the family. After all they are only children and they didn't ask to be here. That's why as adults or responsible parents we have the obligation too  treat all children with the love and respect due to all children. As children, most of us look up to our parents as symbols of perfection.

 When I visualized both my mother or my father, I looked at them as people that could do no wrong. So when I sin, made a mistake or lied, I felt shamed and embarrassed. At times when I made a mistake my parents constantly scolded me and reminded me why it was so important not to sin or lie. Now that I have grown into an adult , I wonder why my parents didn't hold themselves accountable to the same rules or beliefs that they taught me as a child. I was asked very recently, was I mad or bitter because of what I went through or because of my parents mistakes. After some careful thought, I told the person asking me, that everything I went through in my life could have taken me in many different directions some bad and others good. I have had my share of trials, tribulations, rejection, hurt and pain. But some how through it all I remain, humble  from my experiences. I am not (Thanks to God) a person that lives in the past. Its not that I don't remember what I been through, I instead learn from it and use it as motivation to be a better person or a better man. I really feel that God allows all of us to go through different things or experience different types of situations to help us grow stronger. Now that I know that I am a child of God, I am both thankful and grateful that God chose me to go through all those situations. Why? Well from my experiences I can tell others, about my true life testimony. Maybe through my pain or suffering I can help others and in the process save a couple of souls. Maybe if people could see what Gods love and his light can do to a person considered to be an outcast or a black sheep of his own family, then through me they can witness the true glory of God. Then they too would know that Gods love, Gods light and Gods forgiveness is the best a man or a woman could get or receive. My grandmother had a famous saying, "What's done  in the dark shall come too light". Which means the truth will come to light and what has been done in the past will be revealed in the future .
Have a blessed day,
Jeremiah 33:3 Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Mind Over Matter

I remember as a youth, when I would come home with my report card , how I used to fear both my father and my mother. The reason for this fear is because, if I happen too have a bad grade on it, then I would be severely punished. My siblings and I grew up in a home where failure wasn't an option. Like my father would put it, being a failure doesn't apply to the family name and in fact it was an embarrassment to fail. I remember one day after nine weeks of school, I came home with an report card with two failing grades on it. When I walked into the door I could see, my mother standing there washing dishes. Then she turned around and said , "Son how was school today"? From the look in her eyes, I thought that she already knew how my day went and also knew what type of grades I had on my report card. My mother had a way, that's hard to explain. She could look at a person with her big old eyes that could stare into a persons soul and she had this ability to reads minds. It was impossible to lie to her, but that didn't stop me from trying. (smile) I remember answering my mother by saying, "It went okay, momma".

Then she looked at me with those big old eyes then said, "Well did you get your report card today"? I thought about lying, but I was already in trouble with the two bad grades on my report card. So I told her yes I have my report card. After looking at my report card , I could tell that my mother was angry and very disappointed in me. She looked at me ,then said," Chucky, explain to me why you have these bad grades and don't lie too me"! I said well momma, I just can't do it and I am not smart enough. Geometry and Calculus is just too hard for me. When I said this I thought my mother would hit the roof and boy was I scared! But for some strange reason she didn't react the way I expected her too. I thought I was going to get a whipping, but instead my mother surprised me, by explaining to me that what I thought was hard wasn't really hard at all. She then went on to say, Son there is nothing in this world you can't do, if you just apply yourself, believe in yourself and have faith. When I had this confused look on my face, she said something even more confusing. Son its mind over matter. I looked at my mother and said," Momma what do you mean by that statement"? Then she smile and said," Well its simple, if you believe you are a failure, then therefore you will be a failure. But if you believe you are intelligent, smart and  successful then you will be. Son before you can do anything you have to first believe that you can. You must have confidence in yourself. You also have to speak and think things into existence. She went on to say, Son your father and I believe in you, we know you are very capable of doing and achieving anything you set your mind too. That's why I said mind over matter. Because when you are presented with a challenge, if you used your mind that God has blessed you with then the problems you may face will not matter. Why? Well if you use your mind, then you can think things out, learn from your mistakes and solve the problem. So go to school tomorrow ask your teacher questions, then learn geometry and calculus. Because if you can over come the tests, the trials or tribulations that you face in school today, then you will be able to handle the problems of the world tomorrow. Use your mind son! Because if you use your mind then the rest shouldn't  matter. Its very simple its just, Mind Over Matter.
Have a blessed day,

 Proverbs 28:26 He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

What Do You Do When Your Children Turn The Other Way

As I think of my early days as a father, I never really understood what it meant to be a single parent. The reason for this is because my first child( my daughter) was raised by my mother. I thank God everyday for both my mother and my father, because at that point in my life, I wasn't mature or grounded  enough to be a good parent. Some of us make the simple mistake, by having a sexual relationship with someone without understanding the consequences. My father often used to preach to me and my brothers about the consequences of having unprotected sex. But as most immature young men do, I did what I thought felt good or right , without thinking about consequences for my actions. I paid the price and so did my children . Me not being there to help raise , then mold them and  my children not having the opportunity to be with their real father. Being raise by their single mother, with many different male role models in their face which left them both dazed and confused. After making that of many  mistakes, I vowed to myself that if God blessed me with the opportunity to have another child, I would raise him or her myself.   It wasn't until latter in life  that I got blessed with the opportunity to raise my son. When I first got the opportunity, it was kind of a shock and I wasn't prepared. At that time my son was ten and had been raised by his mother. But as life always does, it presents you with different challenges and opportunities when you may least expect it.
It was hard at first for us both, having to adjust too each other. My son having to adjust too a father that help raise him from a distance and myself, going from being a bachelor too a single parent. Even though I often prayed for the opportunity to raise my son, because I felt that I could do a good job, I really didn't know what I was getting myself into. I didn't really understand  the sacrifices' that would be made raising a child. Now my many days  as a single bachelor has now come to end. I laugh at it now because in my years past , I used to date single women who were parents and never really understood what they went through. Or why they were so  careful not to introduce me to their children until they felt it was safe to do so . Now that I am a single parent I now understand their reasons for being so careful , because the world we live in today is so dangerous, especially for our children. There are some adults out there that would prey on our children, just as wolves would attack their prey. Its sad to say this, "But we as parents have to be careful who we leave our children with". We also have to watch , then  pay attention to our surroundings and make  sure our children are being raised in the proper environment. Now like the women I dated in my past , I have to screen or watch  who I get involved with and I also have to be careful who I date. Because not everyone knows or  understands the plight of a single parent or what we single parents have too  go through while raising our children. They don't understand the pain or the  sacrifices. Or even what we single parents, have to give up or what we have to stop doing while being a single parent. As a parent we are not only representing ourselves, but also our children. what most don't  understand is  that our time is very limited and most of our time is used to rear and care for  our children. Anything else is secondary and our child or  children always comes first.
What I have found to be amazing is the little tolerance women these days, have for a single father. You would think that women would love or embrace a man that's willing to raise, then care for his own children , but what I have found to be true is  the total opposite. When I was blessed with the chance to raise my son, at this time I was married. I thought too myself, that this was the perfect situation for me and my son. My ex-wife at the time had a son of her own and I treated him like my son, in fact better. Because my son at that time never had the pleasure to wake up and see his father. But what later that  both shocked and amazed me, was my ex wife. She didn't  want my son to live with us and that caused problems for our marriage. I know some may think after reading this, Wow! That's kind of of selfish isn't it? I thought the same thing too. But later I realized that my ex-wife wasn't the woman God chose for me. I made that choice myself and like my late grandmother would always say," When man makes choices he always makes mistakes, but when God chooses its always right".
So now I am a single parent, going on seven years strong. Is it an easy job being a parent? No its not, because everyday presents a challenge. Being a parent you have to care for them while they are sick and even while they are well you have to be there to support them emotionally. You have to be there to hear their thoughts and always have to challenge your young children to use their minds to become something better or great. Being a single parent I had to realize that its not good to have a child that's overly dependent on you, because it will stunt their growth. As a parent you want them to grow up too be strong young men and independent young women. So you do your best to make sure your child or children have everything they may need to help them become a success and then they disappoint you. Some after reading this may say, Wow! After all of that your child or children has the capabilities to disappoint you or make mistakes? To that I will say yes, they are capable of doing some thing's that will amaze you. Some of those things will bring you to tears. Yes, some children; lie, steal and cheat. But the real challenge to being a parent is when your children turn into something you didn't raise them to be. After years of hard work your child or my child can turn into something ugly  or into someone you don't care for. So tell me, what do you do when your child or children turn the other way? What do we do when they become criminals, murderers or thieves? What do we do when our children have, then embrace lifestyles that we are uncomfortable with? What do we do when our children expect us to adjust to their lifestyles and want us to change to suite them? To those who may say this will not ever happen to me and my children will be perfect . I have this to say, it is very possible that your children could grow up to be little or big monsters, if you are not careful. Even if you raise your children in a perfect way, its very possible that your children will go astray. Then you will say, " Oh God what do we when our children go astray"? Well in some cases or most all we can do is pray.
Have a blessed evening,
Psalm 78:4 We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

When Two Become One

There is an old church saying "Two unequally yoked people won't have a happy marriage". Another saying is, If chose to you marry, then make sure you marry someone that is your equal or someone that brings something too the table. In other words, if the person you are seeking to marry has nothing to offer you or has nothing to offer the marriage then you should think about it very carefully. But a saying that I really loves comes from my late grandmother( Latisha Raby ). She would say," When one enters into a marriage, they can't go into it thinking selfishly, because it takes two to make it and when you marry too become one". In other words the person or persons  you were before the marriage has to change. When I asked her to explain this statement too me she would say," Son people of the world and even some in the church don't know or even understand the  meaning of the word  marriage . When people in the church  talk, they talk about being equally yoked and when  people of the world talk, they always talk  about bring something too the table, like money or a career. What these people don't realize is that none of that matters and those sayings have little effect on a marriage. Being equally yoke  or having a man or woman with something to offer the other, doesn't guarantee marriage survival. She would go on to say ," Baby it takes more than that and the  people that are thinking about marriage or even those that are in marriage need to figure out how to become one, before thinking about being the one". What my grandmother meant was, when people get married they become the combination of two different lifestyles, cultures  or two different  of ways of living and thinking.

 The man or the woman will  have different views on life, religion and family. Where the problem comes is when the two have to change their ways in order to become one . There are a lot of people that want to marry, but many don't want to make the necessary changes to make the marriage work. Some people don't want to give up who they were before they become married. What I found is in women, which is a very disturbing trend that most women these days, don't even want to change their last names. It used to be in years past that it was an honor to take a mans last name. But now in today's society, women want the man to either embrace their last name or compromise, our fore fathers principles . Also I don't think that most Preachers, Pastors or Priest teach their followers or believers that marriage is a covenant between man and God.

  In the Bible it speaks about forsaking your parents in order to make the marriage work. I am going to take this a little step further, by saying in some cases some may  also have to forsake their friends in order to make the marriage work. Why would I make this statement? Well I have known many of friends that have destroyed many of marriages'. Sometimes having a noisy friend that is either unhappy with their spouse or having a friend that is single with no spouse of their own can harm a marriage. The old saying is misery loves company. If you lived long enough you would know their are people out there,(Even our friends or family) that are not happy unless someone else shares their own plight. As I gather my thoughts I can't help but too think about my wise late grandmothers famous sayings or words. The things we want the most(Love, family or success) are the things we tend to want now or rush into. If we used our brains or the minds that God has blessed us with, then we would know the things we want now take time and require patients . Nothing in life that is of value should be rushed. It should be carefully planned and prayed on too have the blessing from God. Because if its rushed then it will fail, but if you have patients then you will soon realize that good things really come to those who wait.

A lot of single men or women have lifestyles that would crush any marriage.  There are a lot of habits many of us have that can harm a marriage that should be done away with before the marriage begins.( Like clubbing, staying out late, doing drugs,over drinking, gambling and having many sexual affairs). The basic fact is that some men or women never grow up and refuse to change. To those who don't realize it, I have this to say, Even though you might not want to grow older, you will and don't have a choice when it comes to arguing. The simple fact we all must realize when seeking a spouse or mate, is that we all have somethings in our past or in our current situation that we need to stop in order to make the relationship or marriage grow. I know some that may read this may say, Well he or she met me this way, why should I have to change? Or others may say I have been this way most of my life and its impossible to change. To those who may feel this way, I say if you love, honor and obey God then you should change. For even when it comes to being saved one must forsake or give up the ways of the world in order to go to Heaven. For it is written those who love the world, hate God and  will have no place in Heaven. So even becoming one with Christ requires change. God made men and women different from all of his creations. We were made in his image and design for a special purpose.
Have a blessed day,

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Ephesians 5:28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Ephesians 5:33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Never Stop Living

 Has your life gotten so busy that now you have become easily distracted and you always seem too loose your way? Are you looking for a way to stay focused, determined or driven to succeed ? Each of us have busy schedules, raising our children or taking care of our families, working long hours at our jobs and cooking or cleaning our homes. After doing these things daily , its very easy to loose ourselves or our focus. Most of us forget one very important fact, If we don't take care of ourselves, then there is no way we will be able to care for others. What most of us don't realize is when we loose focus, we also loose time and if we aren't careful most will be to old to do or achieve our goals or dreams. Some may ask this question, "How do I remain focused or how do I get my life back on track? Well to those who are blessed enough to read this, always remember that you only have one life on Earth to live and even though you may now have children or a new spouse. Your life here has not stopped and it has more meaning than being a parent ,  husband or wife. Your dreams , your desires still count and your life still has a purpose. Your dreams as children can still be achieved and your dreams still has the potential to become reality. Never forget who you are and do not become so lost that you forget that your life has a purpose.

 But to answer one main question we all should ask ourselves daily, How do I remain focused or how do I get my life back on track? My answer to that question is too refocus yourself, by  first focusing on God. Pray daily , then ask our Father in Heaven to help you regain your focus. There are two old saying's I always used too  hear in church," There is nothing to hard for God and through God all things are possible with faith". But you first you have to have faith, because without it you have nothing. So practice a little faith, by trusting then believing in God and also by knowing that God purpose for yourself, has not been revealed yet. There is an old saying in my family , In life you can waste many things( food or money) but time is too valuable to waste. In other words take advantage of every opportunity, live your life to the fullest  and never take anything for granted. Open up your mind and  learn something new. For what may seem useless today , can save your life or benefit it tomorrow. So what ever you decide to do with your life , always remember this not matter what never quit , never stop learning , always go after your dreams and always live your life for the glory of the Lord. Never Stop Living!
May God bless you always,
 Luke 12:23 The life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing.

Friday, October 21, 2011

The Role Of A Man Or Woman

A friend of mine was having problems with both her husband and her son. She couldn't get any of them to go to work or to do anything around the house. Being that I am curious by nature I asked her did she spoil the  men in her life. She answered me with a big smile by saying, that she was the bread winner, she cooked, cleaned and provided for all their needs. She bragged about how much she achieved and on how she didn't really, at that time need a man to support her or help take care of her needs. But now after all those years of being the  both  the provider and protector of the family, she was  now tired. Therefore, wanted her men in her life to take on the load. She said to me Charles, I am tired but I can't get my men too help me. Tell me what can I do to get  my men too  act like men? To the women that are blessed enough to read this I have some sound advice. Treat your men like children and they will in turn act like children. But if you treat them like men then they will be men. In short empower your man or the men in your life. What do I mean by empower? Well by nature men were created by God to be strong. Men for thousand of years were both providers and protectors of the family. Now that there is a new age and women can now fend, protect and provide for themselves .Now what was once the staple of the man has been taken away, by the advances of women. In some cases that has weakened the man, because now  some men don't feel needed  or wanted  and  now some have  become dependent. For those who have husbands or sons, you may ask how do I reverse the cycle and make them act like men? The easy answer is to tell them you need them and let them become an active part of your life. This advice is even for the women who happen to make more money than their husbands. A man feels real good when he is empowered or needed. It gives a man confidence to know that his family or spouse needs him, so provide him a role that you both can feel comfortable with. This  reminds me of something my late grandmother would always say," Oh how good it feels  to be both needed or wanted". When a man looses his confidence, he in facts looses his soul. Its like a caged Lion that was once in the wild a great hunter. But now that you have caged him  you took away his ability to hunt and now he has becomes helpless. Men  since the beginning of time were made to be the head of the household and were created to be strong. If you take away a mans strength then he becomes a shell of a man and something else. That is not what God meant or intended when he created man. I know some women that may read this may take issue with what I just wrote. Some of you may say time has changed and its the time of the woman. My question to those who may question my thoughts is, "Do you really believe God is satisfied with the reverse roles of the man or the woman of today"? In the beginning of time God very first creation besides the animals was man and he created woman for man  to be one . Malachi 2:15 Has not [the LORD] made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.  Gods word is Gods word and who has the right to question his wisdom? After all God did create both the man and the woman. Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Both the man and the woman have their roles when it comes to a relationship or family. Just because one happens to make more than the other doesn't mean those roles should change or be in reverse.
Have a blessed day,

Friday, October 7, 2011

Take God With You

Today a friend of mine asked me this question, Charles how can I deal with my fall? When she asked me this question she caught me by surprise and I asked her what did she mean by this statement? Then she proceeded  to tell me about her fall from grace. To further explain this, my friend at one point of her life had a high position at her job and got laid off. Now her income and her way of life has changed. Because of it, her ability to pay or buy the things she needed to survive has become limited. She began to cry, then say Charles I have lost my way! My confidence, my swagger and my ability to cope is now gone away. Then I looked at her and said, you are still relevant in Gods eyes and this is only a test. To those that are blessed enough to read this, I have some advice. While we are blessed enough to live here on Earth , all of us will have our own  share of trials and tribulations. There will be many storms or dangers to face along the way.  But what we do or how we handle those situations, will determine what type of men or women we will be. My father had a famous saying,which happens to be a song by Isaac Hayes's, (Only The strong survive) .Which in Gods words, if you draw strength form the one that has created all things, then great things will happen. If you  happen to fall from grace or from the  top of the mountain, get back up, then climb it again. For if you had it once you can and shall have it again. But this time on your climb back up the mountain take something with you that you didn't have with you  before. What you may ask? Well next time you decided to make a climb or take a chance with your life, don't forget about God. Make him the reason for your climb and when you reach the top thank him for your success. Because without God your rise to the top will be short lived, but with him it will last a life time. So take God with you everyday or every where you go and never forget where you get your blessings.  Always remember to live your life to please God and not man.  Because if you live your life to please man or others your trip to the top will be short lived.
Have a blessed day,
Psalm 94:14 For the LORD will not reject his people; he will never forsake his inheritance.
Psalm 143:7 Answer me quickly, O LORD; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Over Come It All

 I have been asked this very truthful question by a friend of mine, How do I get over hurt feelings , emotions' or pain ? She would say, how can I go on when I feel so much pain? This particular friend of mine  had a son, that was always in trouble. He stole from her, wreaked her cars, destroyed certain parts of her home, was on drugs, was in trouble with the law and even had the nerves to abuse his own mother. She would say to me , "Charles I have been through so much with this child! He has stolen my life and I hate him"! She had tears in her eyes and from her appearance alone I knew that she was tired .Then she went on to say Charles I am so tired of being lied too, hurt and deceived. Tell me where do I get the strength to over come it all?  After she got through telling me about her pain and troubles, I had to think of a way to properly answer her question. A lot of us who have been , wronged, hurt, lied too, deceived or  abused , don't realize that if we don't deal with our emotional issues of our past or present , then its impossible to progress , reach our full potential or even function in the outside world. As a man growing in the Lord I had to realize this  fact for myself. I  to had deal with some emotional issues of my own. I think back as a child when I was abused by both of my parents, I think about how much I hated them. From their abuse I harbored  a lot of pain and hate. I resented my parents and didn't want anything to do with them. I felt like the black sheep of the family, because nothing I did was right in their eyes. Therefore when I became an adult, I stayed away from them. But what I didn't realize is that I was only hurting myself, because I didn't allow myself to heal and forgive them. What  I didn't realize that I wasn't a perfect child and it was hard back then raising six children. Now it didn't excuse their abuse, but it did make me realize the pressure both of my parents were under raising six children all with different  personalities and different problems .
 Now that I am raising my own children I under stand the pressure's of being a parent. Understanding all of this made me realize something. If I couldn't over come my past hurt or demons, then  I couldn't or wouldn't  become successful or happy in life. Why you may ask? Well the answer to that is quite simple, It takes a lot of entergy to hate. Believe this or not hating someone is not healthy for your soul and its stressful. Also hating someone can be a huge distraction in your life, because hating someone takes a lot of time and energy. You have to work hard to hate and evil thoughts, bring criminal or evil thoughts and the devil is always in the mist of hate. Someone who hates, despises and  always  plots things to hurt the people they hate. But back to the main question, How do you or I get over hurt feelings, emotions or pain? The easy answer if by turning them over to God. Now some may read this and say its not that easy. Well to those people I would say, you are right its not that simple. First you have ask God to forgiveness and then you have learn how to forgive yourself. A lot of us punish ourselves when we have been lied to hurt or deceived. The reason for this is because some of us believe the reasons we became victims is because of our own weakness and that's simply not true. What we must realize is life, is only a test and the more we learn, the better we become. So stop stressing and stop living in the past. Live for today, because tomorrow is not promised. If you do these things with the grace of our Father in Heaven you shall and will over come it all.
Have a blessed evening,
Psalm 79:9 Help us, O God our Savior, for the glory of your name; deliver us and forgive our sins for your name's sake.