Tuesday, November 8, 2011

What Do You Do When Your Children Turn The Other Way

As I think of my early days as a father, I never really understood what it meant to be a single parent. The reason for this is because my first child( my daughter) was raised by my mother. I thank God everyday for both my mother and my father, because at that point in my life, I wasn't mature or grounded  enough to be a good parent. Some of us make the simple mistake, by having a sexual relationship with someone without understanding the consequences. My father often used to preach to me and my brothers about the consequences of having unprotected sex. But as most immature young men do, I did what I thought felt good or right , without thinking about consequences for my actions. I paid the price and so did my children . Me not being there to help raise , then mold them and  my children not having the opportunity to be with their real father. Being raise by their single mother, with many different male role models in their face which left them both dazed and confused. After making that of many  mistakes, I vowed to myself that if God blessed me with the opportunity to have another child, I would raise him or her myself.   It wasn't until latter in life  that I got blessed with the opportunity to raise my son. When I first got the opportunity, it was kind of a shock and I wasn't prepared. At that time my son was ten and had been raised by his mother. But as life always does, it presents you with different challenges and opportunities when you may least expect it.
It was hard at first for us both, having to adjust too each other. My son having to adjust too a father that help raise him from a distance and myself, going from being a bachelor too a single parent. Even though I often prayed for the opportunity to raise my son, because I felt that I could do a good job, I really didn't know what I was getting myself into. I didn't really understand  the sacrifices' that would be made raising a child. Now my many days  as a single bachelor has now come to end. I laugh at it now because in my years past , I used to date single women who were parents and never really understood what they went through. Or why they were so  careful not to introduce me to their children until they felt it was safe to do so . Now that I am a single parent I now understand their reasons for being so careful , because the world we live in today is so dangerous, especially for our children. There are some adults out there that would prey on our children, just as wolves would attack their prey. Its sad to say this, "But we as parents have to be careful who we leave our children with". We also have to watch , then  pay attention to our surroundings and make  sure our children are being raised in the proper environment. Now like the women I dated in my past , I have to screen or watch  who I get involved with and I also have to be careful who I date. Because not everyone knows or  understands the plight of a single parent or what we single parents have too  go through while raising our children. They don't understand the pain or the  sacrifices. Or even what we single parents, have to give up or what we have to stop doing while being a single parent. As a parent we are not only representing ourselves, but also our children. what most don't  understand is  that our time is very limited and most of our time is used to rear and care for  our children. Anything else is secondary and our child or  children always comes first.
What I have found to be amazing is the little tolerance women these days, have for a single father. You would think that women would love or embrace a man that's willing to raise, then care for his own children , but what I have found to be true is  the total opposite. When I was blessed with the chance to raise my son, at this time I was married. I thought too myself, that this was the perfect situation for me and my son. My ex-wife at the time had a son of her own and I treated him like my son, in fact better. Because my son at that time never had the pleasure to wake up and see his father. But what later that  both shocked and amazed me, was my ex wife. She didn't  want my son to live with us and that caused problems for our marriage. I know some may think after reading this, Wow! That's kind of of selfish isn't it? I thought the same thing too. But later I realized that my ex-wife wasn't the woman God chose for me. I made that choice myself and like my late grandmother would always say," When man makes choices he always makes mistakes, but when God chooses its always right".
So now I am a single parent, going on seven years strong. Is it an easy job being a parent? No its not, because everyday presents a challenge. Being a parent you have to care for them while they are sick and even while they are well you have to be there to support them emotionally. You have to be there to hear their thoughts and always have to challenge your young children to use their minds to become something better or great. Being a single parent I had to realize that its not good to have a child that's overly dependent on you, because it will stunt their growth. As a parent you want them to grow up too be strong young men and independent young women. So you do your best to make sure your child or children have everything they may need to help them become a success and then they disappoint you. Some after reading this may say, Wow! After all of that your child or children has the capabilities to disappoint you or make mistakes? To that I will say yes, they are capable of doing some thing's that will amaze you. Some of those things will bring you to tears. Yes, some children; lie, steal and cheat. But the real challenge to being a parent is when your children turn into something you didn't raise them to be. After years of hard work your child or my child can turn into something ugly  or into someone you don't care for. So tell me, what do you do when your child or children turn the other way? What do we do when they become criminals, murderers or thieves? What do we do when our children have, then embrace lifestyles that we are uncomfortable with? What do we do when our children expect us to adjust to their lifestyles and want us to change to suite them? To those who may say this will not ever happen to me and my children will be perfect . I have this to say, it is very possible that your children could grow up to be little or big monsters, if you are not careful. Even if you raise your children in a perfect way, its very possible that your children will go astray. Then you will say, " Oh God what do we when our children go astray"? Well in some cases or most all we can do is pray.
Have a blessed evening,
Psalm 78:4 We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done.

1 comment:

  1. Pray and leave them in GOD'S Hands, I have one child that did not turn out the way that I raised her, she waited until her 18th birthday to reveal a secret that she has been keeping from me since she was a child, I had to question her after reading a message she left on my phone to find out what the secret was. It was very hard to accept what she told me but I explained to her that no matter what I love her and I will never turn my back on her but I do not approve of how she is choosing to live her life, she's now 19 and I realize that the only thing I can do is continue to pray for my child and give her to GOD.