Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Tough Love!!!

When I was younger, I often remember how my mother use to get upset with me when I didn't listen or follow her rules. I was about sixteen at the time very hard headed, disobedient, stubborn, refused to listen and thought I knew it all. Don't ask me what got into me at that age, because before I made sixteen I wasn't perfect, but I was a good child(I think so anyway LOL) and didn't give my parents much problems.(Because if I did they would have killed me . Smile) My mother used to always, say that," I was smelling myself" . I didn't quite understand what she meant by that until I raised my own child. When God blessed me with the opportunity to raise my own son, it was a breeze at first and then he reached what my mother called," those terrible teens".  I guess the old saying is true, "What comes around goes around or what you do to others will come back to you a thousand times". What I had to learn, is not to be so soft on my son and prepare him to be a man, after all the outside world will not spoil him or take pity on him as I would.  As you know if your daughter or son  happens to be your last or only child it is not as easy to discipline them or administer the  Tough Love that they deserve. No parent wants to punish or to be mean to their child, family member or friend. But when they refuse to follow the rules, break the law or continue to do harmful things to their bodies or to others, one must administer Tough Love. I had to learn this lesson the hard way and as much as it hurt I had to show my son some Though Love. Now I know what my parents meant, when they punished me and said, This hurts me more than it hurts you". What they meant by this statement, is that no parent enjoys punishing their child or children and most of us good parents enjoy giving. Its when our children does something stupid or does something that they know they shouldn't be doing, that keeps us from blessing them and when we as parent has to clean up their mess.

Which brings me to the adults and makes me ask these questions," Why do some adults get themselves into trouble or certain situations, then expect others to get them out of it or solve their problems"?Isn't the problem they caused theirs alone? After all they are suppose to be grown men or women. I understand that sometimes we all slip or fall and require help. But when a person keeps getting themselves in trouble or  doing the same old thing over and over again it becomes hard on the person or the persons that's providing the help. Sometimes this gets old and most people get tired of helping someone who refuses to help themselves.
This question was brought to my attention, by a friend of mine, who happens to be married to a man who has been an alcoholic for over ten years. Her husband knows that he isn't suppose to drive, because he already has had a DUI on his record , but just like any normal child, he doesn't listen then drives drunk anyway. On this particular day, her husband took his truck out for a drive and was pulled over by policeman for his second DUI. Like any good wife would do, she bailed him out of jail and brought him home. What made this matter worse was, that her husband then took his truck out for another drive and in the process hit someone. Now not only does he have another DUI, but also a hit and run. My friend is so stressed out, that she came to me with this question," Chuck, my husband keeps on doing the same thing over and over again. All his does is drink and when I tell him that what he is doing is hurting our family he won't listen! What am I suppose to do? Then I look into her eyes and said, As hard as this my sound, my advice to you is simple,  leave him in jail  and then let him dry out. Sometimes even grown men or women have to grow up and learn how to solve their own problems. I know doing this, may hurt you more than it hurts him, but sometime you have teach them a lesson by letting them experience a little Tough Love.
Have a blessed day,
Hebrews 12:7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?

Deuteronomy 8:5 Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.

Proverbs 3:12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.

Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.

Proverbs 23:13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.

Proverbs 23:14 Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.

Proverbs 29:15 The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.

Proverbs 29:17 Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.


  1. I'm praying to the Lord today to show me how to let my daughter go, let her live her life, make her mistakes and teach me not to worry myself sick. I'm a person who will not help you if you continue to make the same mistakes, especially when I have to take my hard earned money to give to somebody who didn't appreciate it the first time I helped them and then come back again to ask for more for the same mistake. I don't think so. Tough love hurts me to do it but it will hurt my child in her adult life if I didn't do it. A spoiled child in today's society will not be successful in life if they have been accustomed to always receiving things and not putting forward an effort to work for something. They will always be unhapy in life if something they want is not given to them. For each generation, parenting gets harder.

  2. Enjoyed reading this blog, you made some very valid points. Thanks for the read!!

  3. Every parents need to disciplen their children. That is how the children will learn from their mistakes.